I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
