What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
