just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
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