normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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