You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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