i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
