are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
