you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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