K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
