Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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