Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
