they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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