porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
