I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
