Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
