It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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