mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I need moral support for this bender
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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