just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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