I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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