Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
