I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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