i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
