We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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