I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
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