Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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