Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
