I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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