You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
