Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
