All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
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