Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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