they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
