What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
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