all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
