I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
