sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
