If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
