sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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