I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize