This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
