I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
