So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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