Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
