On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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