His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
its liver damage thursday
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
