i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
