She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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