We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
