Where did you get a picture of my penis
i wish my penis had a tongue
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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