What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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